New Season, New Friends

This week has been a complete blur. A blur in the best possible way. Apparently, there are dozens of other au pairs here in Dusseldorf...and this week I FOUND THEM!!!

Monday, I went to have coffee/dessert with Marie from Sweden, Elina from Sweden, Adele from the UK, and Sandra from Finland. Then, on Wednesday, I met another Sarah A. from Minnesota and Soffia from Iceland. THEN, Friday...I can't even tell you...so many new friends! Liam and Jacquelin from Canada, another Jackie from the US (who also graduated from UNC last year...WHAT?!) Miriam from France....the list goes on. It's been an amazing week of making new friends. AND....they all speak English with each other!

My German class starts TUESDAY...I'm ready to devour it. I'm going to be a German BEAST in about one month, I forsee.

Today, Marie and I went to Cologne to see "Art Cologne", one of the biggest international art fairs! It was really fantastic, we saw everything from Picasso to Max Ernst to some new, extremely fresh contemporary work! Then we had Eis (ice cream) and frolicked around a little bit...it was seriously almost 80 degrees today so I was in heaven!!

Yesterday I went on a 3 hour bike ride to do some thinking and get a little exercise...and here's what I came up with.

All of a sudden, it's quiet. I hear only the wind, the birds, and the occasional airplane. I've met several other "au pair maedchen" this week...it's truly amazing how international this city is.

I'm really torn between staying here a bit longer and heading home. I don't know what's the right choice and I don't know where my heart is...I suppose it's torn in half between two different lives/countries. I hope I find it.

I think my attachments to NC and home are closing me off to some opportunities here. I wonder if I should release my attachments to home entirely. Maybe not be in touch so frequently...except with my Mom, of course. Maybe that would allow me to really be open to new experiences here. Like...stop worrying so much about whether to stay or go and just BE here and let ALL of me be here for awhile. I wonder what that would be like...I'd probably benefit from that.

I really do feel like I've lost some of myself and I'm looking for her...looking for the piece to complete the puzzle. I don't know what I want from life, but I don't know what it is that I'm looking for either...obviously my life wasn't complete at home or I wouldn't have jumped at this opportunity to go searching. If I was completely content in Raleigh, then I never would have left.

So, what is it that I'm looking for? A career? A sense of accomplishment? Love? Fulfillment? Knowledge?

I guess I'm looking for all of these things. I think I should let go of everything that I know of "familiarity" and start completely over. Let go of the things that I know there's nothing I can do about right now...feelings and attachments that I have.

My life brought me here for a reason, so I should figure out what that reason is.

So, yesterday, I realized that my job here is actually a professional cuddler. I get to sit with this adorable child and cuddle him ALL DAY. My other duties in the job description include walks through the park and a limited amount of feeding.

Seriously...this is by far the most fun thing I've ever been paid to do.

But then I thought, "So, is it better to love what you do and not where you live, or love where you live and not what you do?"

Not that I HATE where I live, because I don't. I have a fabulous little flat in the city center of Dusseldorf. Can't complain. But it is still really quite difficult to make a life of my own here.

I went to an "Expat Meet-up" last night that I found online, and it turned out to be a pretty good time. I met loads of other English-speakers, which was definitely a relief, but it was still a bit monotonous...asking everyone you meet where they're from, why they're here, what they do...etc etc..and repeating the same things about yourself. But HOW ELSE do you meet people? There seemed to be a very common theme of young women who moved to Dusseldorf/Germany in general to be with their husband/boyfriend. And another thing I learned that I really appreciated....I met several Germans last night, and they truly are a very passionate and patriotic people. They love talking about the history of their country with the intent of educating others who might be interested. I found this really neat...seeing as so many of us Americans don't know our history as well as we should (myself absolutely being included...)

I learned that Dusseldorf was, and still is, a huge industrial capital for Germany. All of the tanks and weapons used in WWII were made here. And...also that D'dorf and Cologne were pretty much bombed to the ground during the war...so they rebuilt it with some pretty ugly motifs, since there was absolutely no money. The Altstadt of Munich, on the other hand, was rebuilt meticulously to resemble exactly what it looked like before it was bombed. Just...interesting... I loved listening to people talk about this.

This weekend I'm planning on going to see "Der Rosenkavalier" in Cologne, so that will be a BLAST...it's some of my absolute favorite music, but I've never seen it performed!

Inspired!!!

So, after a rather rough week of feeling homesick and lonely....I have regrouped!

Thinking about all the travel that is accessible to me has re-awakened the Sara Abernethy that got herself this awesome gig in Germany. No more time to be wasted being sad in this time of opporunity!

I decided I was going to plan for one big trip per month. As I continue to (hopefully...) meet people, maybe I'll be able to get someone to travel with! This month, I will be headed to BERLIN to visit the lovely Miss Amanda Franklin, and to scrape the surface of all it has to offer. Surely, I could spend months in Berlin soaking it up, but I will have to make do with a few days. I'm really thrilled about seeing the Brandenburg Gate and some of the other amazing sights. I'm also hoping to take a day trip to Antwerp, Belgium to visit "die zwei Pieters" that I met at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich!

In May, I'm planning to make my pilgrimage to the motherland...a visit to the village of Abernethy, Scotland, U.K. I thought about stopping in London on the way up...but I've decided against it. This trip will be solely dedicated to Scotland. I'm going to stop in Glasgow to visit Mr. Brian Fisher from my days at Enloe, so it will be good to see him again, and have a friendly, familiar face to have a beer with. Abernethy is apparently a city full of history...there's even a museum! I'm really looking forward to it...I'll probably get off the bus and just start weeping.

June, I'm coming back to the States for a sec...so travels for June are TBD.

I also found a fantastic website called "Toytown", it's a huge forum for English speakers living in Germany! There are several posts put up by young people in Dusseldorf and Cologne who are stumbling around, just like me, looking for friends to hang out with. PERFECT! I even responded to a post for some people looking for others to get together with a guitar and play some music! I'm really nervous about putting myself out there, but I know that it's the only way I'm going to meet people and make friends!

Also...today I just started googling "Germany" and "auditions" and got a number of hits for MUSICALS like Sister Act and other things....so I think I'm going to try to go to some of these. They're huge open calls just like in the States, and hey, it couldn't hurt! Who knows what might happen!

Travel. Friends. Auditions. All of these exciting prospects, not to mention the fact that SPRING is finally here....have really gotten my spirits back up about being here. Also really looking forward to going to see Madama Butterfly in Cologne on Sunday night!

Easter Weekend

A whole crowd arrived this morning- Christoph's parents, Eva's father and another couple, Charlotte and Kaspar. The house was very lively, indeed! It's nice to have a crowd around, but it just makes me miss my usual Easter crowd :(

This weekend is going to be a bit difficult...I will be needed often with the baby because everyone is going to see concerts and having dinner every night. I know that's exactly why I'm here...but it will be a bit of a lonely stretch, and thinking about my family in Atlanta...this is the first time in 20 years that I haven't been there!

I'm also really anticipating getting back to Dusseldorf so I can start searching for a teacher...I'm very excited to get in contact with one American teacher at the conservatory in Dusseldorf who Eva has worked with! I really want to be working on something new...new music...and just continuing to explore singing. I'm also really curious to know what this lesson will be like, and how it will be different from other lessons I've had before. I really miss singing these days, and I really miss having a creative project to work on.

Boring, slightly sad post. But I'm currently writing this from my favorite little place, called "Afro Cafe" in Salzburg. I just ordered a glass of wine and a nice lunch, so at least I'll be able to enjoy that before I have to go back to being the babysitter.

I will say, however, of all of the things I've been paid to do, watching and playing with this precious little angel is by far the most fun. It's definitely a lifestyle, and not just a job, but I am really falling in love with this child. He is such fun to play with and to take care of...so at the end of the day, I have that.