It SNOWED!

THE FIRST SNOW OF THE WINTER!!!! And its BEAUTIFUL!

I was so thrilled....I went for a run and two walks in it. And it's STILL SNOWING TODAY...but unlike North Carolina, the world continues to turn. People just go about their normal business, and they even seem, GASP, annoyed at the snow.

Clare comes TOMORROW to learn the ropes of Düsseldorf. I am really excited to have her around and hang out with Eva all together. I know she will love it. We have lots to catch up on, and I just know that she will get the most out of the next year.

As I count down the remaining days (there are 17 left)...I have been reminiscing on things that I really do love about how Germany works. I LOVE, most of all, that you can get anywhere in this town and this country without owning a car. Naturally, it's easier to drive places on Sunday night when it's pouring rain and freezing cold and the trainride from Lohausen to Bilk will take you 45 minutes, but regardless. I love that there is a public transportation system that gets you anywhere in the city. I wish Raleigh had a system like this. And to GET to the next town, all you do is hop on a train.

I also love that I can walk downtown and have access to a delicious, fresh supply of healthy produce at the open air market. I love that I know exactly where my food comes from. I love that beer, mustard, cheese, bread, WHATEVER is all produced right here in this town. Local economy. Rock on. Maybe I can bring some of these attitudes back to Raleigh with me.

I LOVE that you can rent a one-bedroom apartment in a nice area of town for the equivalent of $300. I love that I can walk anywhere I need to go. Or bike. I love it. I will miss that, and miss not being dependent on oil. Maybe I should sell my car when I get back to the States. It only brings me misery and eats all of my money.

Oh what to do, what to do. I suppose living in the moment is all I can do. I wish I had done more things, spent less time doing some things and more time doing others. I wish I had gone more places. But there is still time, I suppose.

If my German was better, I would seriously consider staying here just for the quality of life.

Feeling very, very Thankful

Turkey Day. Normally I would be, at this hour, cozied up next to a fire in Atlanta, GA preparing for the feast of the year. Everyone would be there....Mom, Aunt Betty and Uncle Geoff, Bettina, Svea, Geoff and Beverly, and in the afternoon Nancy, Jeff and Molly.

This year, however, if you're reading this now, you know that I have been in Germany. This year, Thanksgiving will be a little different. Without the feast, without the family, without the stuffing, both literal and figurative. Without the annual watching of Home Alone, or the annual overeating, or the leftover Thanksgiving sandwich.

But do we gather with family and friends over a feast year after year to whine about what we do not have? Of course not. We gather over dinner to be thankful for that which we do have and are blessed to have. This year, more than ever, I certainly will not be without the spirit of Thanksgiving. I want to dedicate this post today to some things that I am truly thankful for.

I am thankful...

1. that the universe led me to this experience abroad

2. for my wonderful host family and the chance to live in and explore Düsseldorf

3. for my real family, and the wonderful traditional Thanksgiving that I remember

4. for all the beautiful friendships I have fostered abroad. for the worldwide network of friends i now have

5. for meeting Kai Diederichsen and allowing myself to realize that I deserve to be treated with love and respect

6. for Facebook, allowing me to preserve the wonderful friendships I have at home.

7. that my mom is recovering like a champion and almost fully restored to her healthy self

8. for the wonderful gift of music and the opportunity to explore it

9. that I will get to spend 2 whole weeks in this great city with my dear friend, Clare.

10. that I will get to spend 2 wonderful days in the marvelous city of London with my dear friend, Adele.

11. that I will get to spend New Years Eve in New York City with my dear friends from Pauper Players AND Kai.

12. to have had the opportunity in only 2 years to live in New York City, Texas, and Europe. Wow! What a crazy 2 years it's been!

13. to have the support of friends and family as I move forward pursuing a performing career

I could list many more things, but I have to back upstairs and play with my little Nepomuky, who I am also thankful for. So even though I don't have the extra stuffing or the pecan pie, I think this year I have cause to be more thankful than ever. And, after all, isn't that what Thanksgiving is really about?

Sending much love to my family and friends.

Weihnachts in Düsseldorf!

Well, the official countdown has begun.

It is officially one week until my friend Clare arrives to learn the ropes so she can be the Vogel-Kaup au pair for 2011.

It is officially one week until I won't have my little Doodle to myself anymore.

It is officially 3 weeks until I fly to London with Adele, and then 2 days later I fly home to Raleigh.

I am really trying to take each day one day at a time, enjoying each moment and not dread the future too much, but it is quite difficult. One efficient method I've discovered in enjoying the present is: The Düsseldorfer Christmas Markets.

Düsseldorf is decked out for Christmas....the entire Altstadt is covered in lights, greenery, and Christmas Market stands all selling little trinkets and Christmas goodies. Specialties include heise Maronen (roasted Chestnuts), Kakao and Glühwein, a delicious holiday beverage: warm red wine infused with spices and sugar! Yum! Perfect for keeping the cold shopper warm and cozy. I have the privilege of walking through almost every day with the little one, and it is so much fun. In one of the big department stores, Kaufhof, they have in the window displays these scenes filled with moving stuffed animals. It is wonderfully charming, Kai took me to see them yesterday,

Even though I have been feeling very sad about this year coming to a close, I had a marvelous voice lesson yesterday which encouraged and inspired me. I've been working on a new Mozart aria from Cosi fan tutte, "Come scoglio", a real bitch of an aria. When I first looked at it, I thought it was too hard for me, but it's a challenge that I've taken on and almost conquered! Working yesterday and talking about the future reminded me of what direction it is that I want to move in next, and that I sadly won't be able to do that staying in Düsseldorf. I am just sad because this year has been such a blast, but I suppose I should be happy because it happened, not sad because it's over. I am so blessed to have had all the experiences I did.

Guys and Dolls in Düsseldorf!

This post is WAY delayed, but this musical is also the reason why I didn't write any blogs for the month of October!

I attended an Evita casting at the end of September, and there I picked up a flyer for a production of Guys and Dolls in Düsseldorf! From the looks of it, they had already started rehearsals, but I stalked the director anyway, found his handy number and gave him a ring to tell him I was interested. After looking at my resume, he was more willing to talk to me.....and after singing for him at his studio, sightreading the role of Adelaide (in GERMAN, i might add....the whole production was in German!), he offered me an understudy position! And the rest of the time I would dance in the chorus. I was thrilled, but also nervous, as the ENTIRE score and script were in German, but the director was an English guy, so I figured I couldn't have TOO many communication problems.

As it turned out, I did NOT. I understood everything, and turned out to be one of the most experienced members in the cast. I learned everything and filled in where I could, stuck myself in scenes where I missed the blocking....etc. What a blast! But I only had 3 weeks of rehearsal time to learn it since i had come in late. The cast was completely amateur, but were doing it as many of them had never been on stage before! It finally came together, even though the rehearsal process was a little strenuous in the end. Everyone in these productions has such a positive attitude. They are there because they WANT to be, and I think that is something I need to keep in mind as I continue this career in show business. I'm sure that attitude will change over time, but I want to keep that positivity always.

Performances were a blast. Made lots of new friends. Made also lots of contacts!

Halloween and Fußball MANIA!

What a weekend! Sunday was a marvelous day, spent taking some much needed downtown with Kai....we were both exhausted from a long week of work. We watched this hilarious movie called, "I Sell the Dead"....a British comedy about 2 dudes who sell corpses. Sounds gruesome, but it was really funny. Then, we hit the town, something I haven't done in over 2 months. I dressed up as a disco ball, whereupon Kai told me I looked stupid and needed to remedy my stupidness with scary zombie make-up. After he made me do it, I was furious with him because I just wanted to look cute, not scary. Alas. I got over it quickly. Kai dressed up as a zombie bleeding rugby player. We headed to Sutton's, our usual spot, and then over the the Füchschen brewery's Halloween party, but it was overcrowded and NOT fun, so we just went back to Sutton's. I got to see everybody! All the regulars I've been missing over the past few months, it was great. Highlights included Roland and Sven, my two favorite hooligans. After too many, Kai and I stumbled home tipsy and happy.

The next day was also mostly spent recovering....but then I took Mucki for an afternoon walk in the park, and it was glorious. Overcast, but the leaves were so vibrant. I realized how limited my time here really is...and it freaked me out. Seriously....in one month from Monday, Clare will be here and a) I will no longer have my Doodle to myself and b) I will be almost out of here. It's really hard, I am trying to keep myself positive about looking forward but Kai is just getting in the way. I can't stand thinking about not being able to be with him, but I am really interested in what is in store next for me, and I will be really happy to be home for Christmas. I just worry that by mid-January, I will feel like I made a mistake by coming home and not continuing my time abroad. Bah.

I think just the thing to cheer me up will be a day trip to Amsterdam on Sunday. I will see if I can convince Kai into going with me. Things are going really well between us...which will make the parting even more difficult. Sigh. Ah, young love.

Anyways, Monday evening held in store a real Düsseldorf experience for me...Kai took me to see my first Fortuna Football club match. Düsseldorfers get REALLY into their football team, and Fortuna hasn't exactly had the most successful season. However, Kai had VIP passes and I was looking forward to the free food and beer and cushioned seats. I had a terrifying experience on the train to the arena....I was stuck in a car that was filled with 20-30 Duisburg fans (the opposing team for the game that night) and a fight almost broke out on the train! The people were banging the roof and sides of the train car....and eventually it got really heated. It was so crazy I couldn't hear ANYTHING and missed the stop where Kai was waiting for me, not to mention the car was jam packed so I couldn't get out! Ah!

But I finally made it....and dude. I thought UNC Basketball games were intense, but these fans are crazy!!!! They sang songs the WHOLE ENTIRE 90 minutes of play.....and the Duisburg fans across the stadium were setting off smokebombs and fireworks and throwing TP everywhere....it was insane. Awesome to see such passion in a group of people! And, to top it off, Fortuna actually won the match! A victory that was much needed, and Kai was also in a much much better disposition. He is always cranky when they lose. Then we took a romantic stroll along the Rhein instead of taking the crowded U Bahn back to town. A marvelous night. A marvelous match! I'm glad I can cross that off my list.

Feeling Fall in Düsseldorf

The past few weeks for me have been a bit mentally strenuous, to say the least. Fall appeared, and although it is magnificent, I've been hit with pangs of homesickness at every angle. Seeing all of the fall things here has reminded me of all of the things I love about North Carolina in the fall....not to mention keeping up with my pumpkin-patching, corn-mazing friends at home. The smells and sounds of the State Fair, enjoying the transition from hell blazing humidity into cool crispness, baking apple pies....and getting ready for winter.

I have been missing it so much, but at the same time beating myself over the head constantly for "wasting" my remaining precious time here by longing for home. Going home is inevitable. And I still feel a pull here to Düsseldorf. I have been really struggling with the idea of leaving and closing this chapter of my life, and I also feel like I haven't taken advantage of as much as I could have. Of course, hindsight is 20-20, and I feel the same way about my time in college. Maybe I will always look at my experiences this way, like I COULD have done more, could have seen more.

My next adventure on the radar is going to be a day trip to Amsterdam. It's only one hour away from here, and it's the place that I've been meaning to see this WHOLE year but have never made it happen. But watch out, November. Amsterdam is happening. Kai and I will figure it out somehow. I also haven't made it to Scotland, but hopefully I will have another chance to do that. I am really having a hard time figuring out what's next....and a few weeks ago I was so sure of my decision to go home and give auditioning a try. Now I'm getting cold feet. What the HELL am I doing, giving up a life in Europe? There are so many things about my life here that I love and appreciate, but also many things about home that I miss. I am scared that, what if I get home and after 3 weeks I feel like I've made a mistake, and I'm restless for the next adventure?

I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the world. People say it's a small one, but it just seems like there are too many things to see and do to really appreciate it.

Random post. I have fallen WAY behind and I do have many stories to tell. Auditioning for Evita and Grease, my experience in the Düsseldorf premiere of "Guys and Dolls" and understudying Adelaide, and Halloween! Hopefully I can catch up soon.