Feeling Fall in Düsseldorf

The past few weeks for me have been a bit mentally strenuous, to say the least. Fall appeared, and although it is magnificent, I've been hit with pangs of homesickness at every angle. Seeing all of the fall things here has reminded me of all of the things I love about North Carolina in the fall....not to mention keeping up with my pumpkin-patching, corn-mazing friends at home. The smells and sounds of the State Fair, enjoying the transition from hell blazing humidity into cool crispness, baking apple pies....and getting ready for winter.

I have been missing it so much, but at the same time beating myself over the head constantly for "wasting" my remaining precious time here by longing for home. Going home is inevitable. And I still feel a pull here to Düsseldorf. I have been really struggling with the idea of leaving and closing this chapter of my life, and I also feel like I haven't taken advantage of as much as I could have. Of course, hindsight is 20-20, and I feel the same way about my time in college. Maybe I will always look at my experiences this way, like I COULD have done more, could have seen more.

My next adventure on the radar is going to be a day trip to Amsterdam. It's only one hour away from here, and it's the place that I've been meaning to see this WHOLE year but have never made it happen. But watch out, November. Amsterdam is happening. Kai and I will figure it out somehow. I also haven't made it to Scotland, but hopefully I will have another chance to do that. I am really having a hard time figuring out what's next....and a few weeks ago I was so sure of my decision to go home and give auditioning a try. Now I'm getting cold feet. What the HELL am I doing, giving up a life in Europe? There are so many things about my life here that I love and appreciate, but also many things about home that I miss. I am scared that, what if I get home and after 3 weeks I feel like I've made a mistake, and I'm restless for the next adventure?

I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the world. People say it's a small one, but it just seems like there are too many things to see and do to really appreciate it.

Random post. I have fallen WAY behind and I do have many stories to tell. Auditioning for Evita and Grease, my experience in the Düsseldorf premiere of "Guys and Dolls" and understudying Adelaide, and Halloween! Hopefully I can catch up soon.