Last Post from Deutschland

I spent my last day, evening and morning in Germany within the last 24 hours. I sang at a Weihnachts Party and earned a little moolah :), had a lovely dinner with my dear Kai at our favorite place, Casita Mexicana, and spent the night with the Diederichsen family in Lohausen. This morning we had a lovely German breakfast with the works, Brötchen, Leberwurst, Fleisch und Kase und leckere gekochte Eier.

THEN. ADELE AND I WENT TO LONDON. It is so strange hearing English here! I even bumped into someone and said "Entschuldigung!" (Excuse Me), and the person just looked at me like I was crazy! I am just having the impulse to respond to things in German, it's really strange.

Anyways, had an audition this afternoon at the Royal Academy of Music...it went well, could have been better, as always. But I'm glad I did it, and then afterwards I had a MASSIVE delicious beer and a burger in Covent Garden with Adele and her friends Greg and Jeremy. What a treat! I just absolutely love this city, I am so enchanted by EVERYTHING....the streets, buildings, people watching, etc. I would love to live here someday, but I know it's going to be difficult. Who knows. Maybe I'll get to spend time here somehow. I am feeling so torn about coming home....I am so thankful for this year, but I somehow feel like a failure for having to come home and recharge before the next adventure, but I suppose that's normal.

Well, it's been great writing this blog....I hope all who have read have enjoyed. Looking forward to the next adventue....

It SNOWED!

THE FIRST SNOW OF THE WINTER!!!! And its BEAUTIFUL!

I was so thrilled....I went for a run and two walks in it. And it's STILL SNOWING TODAY...but unlike North Carolina, the world continues to turn. People just go about their normal business, and they even seem, GASP, annoyed at the snow.

Clare comes TOMORROW to learn the ropes of Düsseldorf. I am really excited to have her around and hang out with Eva all together. I know she will love it. We have lots to catch up on, and I just know that she will get the most out of the next year.

As I count down the remaining days (there are 17 left)...I have been reminiscing on things that I really do love about how Germany works. I LOVE, most of all, that you can get anywhere in this town and this country without owning a car. Naturally, it's easier to drive places on Sunday night when it's pouring rain and freezing cold and the trainride from Lohausen to Bilk will take you 45 minutes, but regardless. I love that there is a public transportation system that gets you anywhere in the city. I wish Raleigh had a system like this. And to GET to the next town, all you do is hop on a train.

I also love that I can walk downtown and have access to a delicious, fresh supply of healthy produce at the open air market. I love that I know exactly where my food comes from. I love that beer, mustard, cheese, bread, WHATEVER is all produced right here in this town. Local economy. Rock on. Maybe I can bring some of these attitudes back to Raleigh with me.

I LOVE that you can rent a one-bedroom apartment in a nice area of town for the equivalent of $300. I love that I can walk anywhere I need to go. Or bike. I love it. I will miss that, and miss not being dependent on oil. Maybe I should sell my car when I get back to the States. It only brings me misery and eats all of my money.

Oh what to do, what to do. I suppose living in the moment is all I can do. I wish I had done more things, spent less time doing some things and more time doing others. I wish I had gone more places. But there is still time, I suppose.

If my German was better, I would seriously consider staying here just for the quality of life.

Feeling very, very Thankful

Turkey Day. Normally I would be, at this hour, cozied up next to a fire in Atlanta, GA preparing for the feast of the year. Everyone would be there....Mom, Aunt Betty and Uncle Geoff, Bettina, Svea, Geoff and Beverly, and in the afternoon Nancy, Jeff and Molly.

This year, however, if you're reading this now, you know that I have been in Germany. This year, Thanksgiving will be a little different. Without the feast, without the family, without the stuffing, both literal and figurative. Without the annual watching of Home Alone, or the annual overeating, or the leftover Thanksgiving sandwich.

But do we gather with family and friends over a feast year after year to whine about what we do not have? Of course not. We gather over dinner to be thankful for that which we do have and are blessed to have. This year, more than ever, I certainly will not be without the spirit of Thanksgiving. I want to dedicate this post today to some things that I am truly thankful for.

I am thankful...

1. that the universe led me to this experience abroad

2. for my wonderful host family and the chance to live in and explore Düsseldorf

3. for my real family, and the wonderful traditional Thanksgiving that I remember

4. for all the beautiful friendships I have fostered abroad. for the worldwide network of friends i now have

5. for meeting Kai Diederichsen and allowing myself to realize that I deserve to be treated with love and respect

6. for Facebook, allowing me to preserve the wonderful friendships I have at home.

7. that my mom is recovering like a champion and almost fully restored to her healthy self

8. for the wonderful gift of music and the opportunity to explore it

9. that I will get to spend 2 whole weeks in this great city with my dear friend, Clare.

10. that I will get to spend 2 wonderful days in the marvelous city of London with my dear friend, Adele.

11. that I will get to spend New Years Eve in New York City with my dear friends from Pauper Players AND Kai.

12. to have had the opportunity in only 2 years to live in New York City, Texas, and Europe. Wow! What a crazy 2 years it's been!

13. to have the support of friends and family as I move forward pursuing a performing career

I could list many more things, but I have to back upstairs and play with my little Nepomuky, who I am also thankful for. So even though I don't have the extra stuffing or the pecan pie, I think this year I have cause to be more thankful than ever. And, after all, isn't that what Thanksgiving is really about?

Sending much love to my family and friends.

Weihnachts in Düsseldorf!

Well, the official countdown has begun.

It is officially one week until my friend Clare arrives to learn the ropes so she can be the Vogel-Kaup au pair for 2011.

It is officially one week until I won't have my little Doodle to myself anymore.

It is officially 3 weeks until I fly to London with Adele, and then 2 days later I fly home to Raleigh.

I am really trying to take each day one day at a time, enjoying each moment and not dread the future too much, but it is quite difficult. One efficient method I've discovered in enjoying the present is: The Düsseldorfer Christmas Markets.

Düsseldorf is decked out for Christmas....the entire Altstadt is covered in lights, greenery, and Christmas Market stands all selling little trinkets and Christmas goodies. Specialties include heise Maronen (roasted Chestnuts), Kakao and Glühwein, a delicious holiday beverage: warm red wine infused with spices and sugar! Yum! Perfect for keeping the cold shopper warm and cozy. I have the privilege of walking through almost every day with the little one, and it is so much fun. In one of the big department stores, Kaufhof, they have in the window displays these scenes filled with moving stuffed animals. It is wonderfully charming, Kai took me to see them yesterday,

Even though I have been feeling very sad about this year coming to a close, I had a marvelous voice lesson yesterday which encouraged and inspired me. I've been working on a new Mozart aria from Cosi fan tutte, "Come scoglio", a real bitch of an aria. When I first looked at it, I thought it was too hard for me, but it's a challenge that I've taken on and almost conquered! Working yesterday and talking about the future reminded me of what direction it is that I want to move in next, and that I sadly won't be able to do that staying in Düsseldorf. I am just sad because this year has been such a blast, but I suppose I should be happy because it happened, not sad because it's over. I am so blessed to have had all the experiences I did.

Guys and Dolls in Düsseldorf!

This post is WAY delayed, but this musical is also the reason why I didn't write any blogs for the month of October!

I attended an Evita casting at the end of September, and there I picked up a flyer for a production of Guys and Dolls in Düsseldorf! From the looks of it, they had already started rehearsals, but I stalked the director anyway, found his handy number and gave him a ring to tell him I was interested. After looking at my resume, he was more willing to talk to me.....and after singing for him at his studio, sightreading the role of Adelaide (in GERMAN, i might add....the whole production was in German!), he offered me an understudy position! And the rest of the time I would dance in the chorus. I was thrilled, but also nervous, as the ENTIRE score and script were in German, but the director was an English guy, so I figured I couldn't have TOO many communication problems.

As it turned out, I did NOT. I understood everything, and turned out to be one of the most experienced members in the cast. I learned everything and filled in where I could, stuck myself in scenes where I missed the blocking....etc. What a blast! But I only had 3 weeks of rehearsal time to learn it since i had come in late. The cast was completely amateur, but were doing it as many of them had never been on stage before! It finally came together, even though the rehearsal process was a little strenuous in the end. Everyone in these productions has such a positive attitude. They are there because they WANT to be, and I think that is something I need to keep in mind as I continue this career in show business. I'm sure that attitude will change over time, but I want to keep that positivity always.

Performances were a blast. Made lots of new friends. Made also lots of contacts!

Halloween and Fußball MANIA!

What a weekend! Sunday was a marvelous day, spent taking some much needed downtown with Kai....we were both exhausted from a long week of work. We watched this hilarious movie called, "I Sell the Dead"....a British comedy about 2 dudes who sell corpses. Sounds gruesome, but it was really funny. Then, we hit the town, something I haven't done in over 2 months. I dressed up as a disco ball, whereupon Kai told me I looked stupid and needed to remedy my stupidness with scary zombie make-up. After he made me do it, I was furious with him because I just wanted to look cute, not scary. Alas. I got over it quickly. Kai dressed up as a zombie bleeding rugby player. We headed to Sutton's, our usual spot, and then over the the Füchschen brewery's Halloween party, but it was overcrowded and NOT fun, so we just went back to Sutton's. I got to see everybody! All the regulars I've been missing over the past few months, it was great. Highlights included Roland and Sven, my two favorite hooligans. After too many, Kai and I stumbled home tipsy and happy.

The next day was also mostly spent recovering....but then I took Mucki for an afternoon walk in the park, and it was glorious. Overcast, but the leaves were so vibrant. I realized how limited my time here really is...and it freaked me out. Seriously....in one month from Monday, Clare will be here and a) I will no longer have my Doodle to myself and b) I will be almost out of here. It's really hard, I am trying to keep myself positive about looking forward but Kai is just getting in the way. I can't stand thinking about not being able to be with him, but I am really interested in what is in store next for me, and I will be really happy to be home for Christmas. I just worry that by mid-January, I will feel like I made a mistake by coming home and not continuing my time abroad. Bah.

I think just the thing to cheer me up will be a day trip to Amsterdam on Sunday. I will see if I can convince Kai into going with me. Things are going really well between us...which will make the parting even more difficult. Sigh. Ah, young love.

Anyways, Monday evening held in store a real Düsseldorf experience for me...Kai took me to see my first Fortuna Football club match. Düsseldorfers get REALLY into their football team, and Fortuna hasn't exactly had the most successful season. However, Kai had VIP passes and I was looking forward to the free food and beer and cushioned seats. I had a terrifying experience on the train to the arena....I was stuck in a car that was filled with 20-30 Duisburg fans (the opposing team for the game that night) and a fight almost broke out on the train! The people were banging the roof and sides of the train car....and eventually it got really heated. It was so crazy I couldn't hear ANYTHING and missed the stop where Kai was waiting for me, not to mention the car was jam packed so I couldn't get out! Ah!

But I finally made it....and dude. I thought UNC Basketball games were intense, but these fans are crazy!!!! They sang songs the WHOLE ENTIRE 90 minutes of play.....and the Duisburg fans across the stadium were setting off smokebombs and fireworks and throwing TP everywhere....it was insane. Awesome to see such passion in a group of people! And, to top it off, Fortuna actually won the match! A victory that was much needed, and Kai was also in a much much better disposition. He is always cranky when they lose. Then we took a romantic stroll along the Rhein instead of taking the crowded U Bahn back to town. A marvelous night. A marvelous match! I'm glad I can cross that off my list.

Feeling Fall in Düsseldorf

The past few weeks for me have been a bit mentally strenuous, to say the least. Fall appeared, and although it is magnificent, I've been hit with pangs of homesickness at every angle. Seeing all of the fall things here has reminded me of all of the things I love about North Carolina in the fall....not to mention keeping up with my pumpkin-patching, corn-mazing friends at home. The smells and sounds of the State Fair, enjoying the transition from hell blazing humidity into cool crispness, baking apple pies....and getting ready for winter.

I have been missing it so much, but at the same time beating myself over the head constantly for "wasting" my remaining precious time here by longing for home. Going home is inevitable. And I still feel a pull here to Düsseldorf. I have been really struggling with the idea of leaving and closing this chapter of my life, and I also feel like I haven't taken advantage of as much as I could have. Of course, hindsight is 20-20, and I feel the same way about my time in college. Maybe I will always look at my experiences this way, like I COULD have done more, could have seen more.

My next adventure on the radar is going to be a day trip to Amsterdam. It's only one hour away from here, and it's the place that I've been meaning to see this WHOLE year but have never made it happen. But watch out, November. Amsterdam is happening. Kai and I will figure it out somehow. I also haven't made it to Scotland, but hopefully I will have another chance to do that. I am really having a hard time figuring out what's next....and a few weeks ago I was so sure of my decision to go home and give auditioning a try. Now I'm getting cold feet. What the HELL am I doing, giving up a life in Europe? There are so many things about my life here that I love and appreciate, but also many things about home that I miss. I am scared that, what if I get home and after 3 weeks I feel like I've made a mistake, and I'm restless for the next adventure?

I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the world. People say it's a small one, but it just seems like there are too many things to see and do to really appreciate it.

Random post. I have fallen WAY behind and I do have many stories to tell. Auditioning for Evita and Grease, my experience in the Düsseldorf premiere of "Guys and Dolls" and understudying Adelaide, and Halloween! Hopefully I can catch up soon.

Wicked Audition

Ok, so it's officially been 2 weeks since my Wicked audition in Hamburg. Meaning, it's been officially 2.5 weeks that I have been 23. Turning 23 got the wheels kicked into gear...I've been thinking alot lately and thinking how I'm going to get this career thing on the roll. My dad had a scary "come to jesus" with me while I was home in June and said something very, very real...."Before you know it you're going to be 3o."

That was terrifying.

So, I've been applying my little tush off for every audition opportunity I can get over here...but it's much harder than I thought. There's not really a "local theatre" community in Düsseldorf, so I have to travel every time I want to audition for something. And, as I've noticed, not only am I an elementary-speaking-German white American chick....my resume isn't exactly busting open with lead roles or professional experience.

Which is why I almost peed my pants with excitement when I got a phone call from Stage Entertainment inviting me to their Wicked casting.

WHAT!??! Really?? I thought these people would never give me a second look! But I guess my re-vamped resume auf Deutsch (thanks to the darling, darling Kai) and awesome new headshot, I wasn't as lame as I'd thought. I set the audition date, and then had 1 week to prepare 2 rock pop songs that also, as the stage assistant directly stated, "show off your high range. We want to hear high notes."

Ugh. Rock pop? Really? That is so not my thing. I love pop as much as the next person, but it's not the thing I do best. I was surprised by this pre-rec because Wicked has SO much in it that is legit! Sigh. So I thought, in order to be the most competitive, I should prepare something in German AND something in English. So...where was I going to find a German pop song and learn it in 10 days? GAH!

I ended up settling on "When You Believe" from the Prince of Egypt, as Stephen Schwartz also wrote the music for that film....and "Sekunden auf Hundert", the German version of "Zero to Hero" from Hercules! But, both of these were new repertoire....how was I supposed to learn brand new songs in 10 days with no accompanist to rehearse with? Which is why....at the last minute, the night before the audition, I screwed up my courage and changed my mind. I thought, "Better to sing something that I KNOW I can sing and that represents me well, rather than trying to sing something I think THEY want to hear." So I went with "Christmas Lullaby" from Songs For A New World and "Out Tonight" from Rent.

I booked my travel reservations and went to Hamburg, guns blazing. Green dress ironed. Patent leather pumps polished. I was SO nervous. So so so nervous. I think, looking back on it, the main reason was because that had I actually gotten hired...It would have been SO cool. The ULTIMATE debut. I guess I spoiled the end of the story.

Needless to say, I'm SO glad I changed my rep at the last minute, but it seems that the Rent tune wasn't the best option...because that was just a BAD audition song. Sure, had I had a microphone, leather pants and a band to back me up...I would have rocked it. But to try to recreate that moment in the audition studio with nothing but a piano under me....it turned out to be pretty lame. Plus, I had never auditioned with it before, so it was a little rusty. But I did my best and spoke German like a champ. I'm so proud of myself for doing it.

As I continue to pursue this career, I'm just going to have to get used to the fact that auditions are like sleeping and eating. This is the life I am heading into. This is what I will have to do for the next several years. And auditioning really is a craft....you have one minute (if you're lucky, usually less....) to be able to make a killer first impression, show your entire range, vocal and acting abilities all the while singing a song and creating a character COMPLETELY out of context. Working in a show is something different....you have a whole world on the stage to work with....you're convincing the audience that they are watching your story....and playing another character. You are not in your body, you are in the body of someone else, and you have this whole image surrounding you to aid that transition. That's why my favorite moment of the dress rehearsal process is the first run IN FULL DRESS....because so many new things and experiences come out.

I digress.

I have to form the KILLER audition package. It has to be something that, within 30 seconds and 3-4 songs can show off my vocal range, classical training, and musicianship. So that's what I'm working on now. And, it's going to take a few "test run" auditions before I can really solidify it.

Onward ho!

New Hair

So....I spent an afternoon this week at 'Spa Abernethy'.....I've taken to coloring and trimming my hair myself due to budget restraints....

I used a box color from the drugstore to deal with the roots, and it didn't turn out exactly as I had wished....it's a little brassy, but it's not my whole head, so that's good. I also used real hair cutting scissors to give myself a little trim, just to get the dead ends off. I've noticed I have an abundance of them, and it was just driving me NUTS. I'm also scared to go into a salon here and have to describe what I want with my hair auf Deutsch. I'm already super sensitive enough as it is.

So, as I was trimming away, I accidentally cut a strand in the back that was quite a bit longer than I intended....about 4 inches or so. When I took a look and examined the lock, I realized that it was ENTIRELY DEAD. Meaning that...the bottom FOUR INCHES of my hair is ENTIREY DEAD. And the only way to fix it is to CUT IT OFF.

I have been persevering for YEARS now trying to grow my hair out long. and it has all been in vain. For now, I will have to cut it short again to keep it healthy....waaaaaaahhhhhh....

The last time I cut off my beautiful locks, at 15 years old, to attempt to have a cute, short hairstyle...I looked like a mushroom head, cried for one week straight, and then my boyfriend at the time broke up with me. Kai has already expressed his disinterest in me cutting my hair off....and I KNOW this is shallow, but I don't blame him. I DONT WANT SHORT HAIR. I love my length. But, I know, if I do nothing, it will only get worse. So now I'm in the market for finding a cute, shorter hairstyle that can be very versatile and practical.

Sigh.

September was a crazy month...

So many things HAPPENED in only a few weeks time!

First, the dear dear Kai had his 22nd birthday, which I got to celebrate with him and his whole family. We had coffee and 4 delicious cakes, all of which were made by the Diederichsen ladies! They are a talented bunch, that's for sure. After cake and coffee, we ventured to Kai and I's FAVORTIE restaurant in the city, Casita Mexicana. LEGIT, delicious and authentic Mexican food...exactly what I've been missing most in Germany. It's good to know I can go there and fill my void of nachos and guacamole when I'm feeling homesick. We all stuffed ourselves silly and it was super 'lecker'!

The day after, Patty came to visit from Berlin! I was SO excited to have her....she was my first visitor here in Düsseldorf! I love being a hostess, and so this was wonderful. We spent the weekend strolling around, checking out the Altstadt, tasting the Altbier, watching rugby and a little bit of Glee, and of COURSE stopping by Casita Mexicana. She needed to get her fill of authentic guacamole...apparently there is NO good mexican food in all of Berlin!

The next week, I received a call from Stage Entertainment, inviting me to their Wicked casting in Hamburg!!!!! i don't think I've been so excited in AGES. I jumped around the room squealing like a child. A whole separate post needs to be dedicated to this exclusively.

After this, I had a whole week in Mallorca with Eva, Christoph and Mucki to relax, vocalize, prepare, and focus. And it was GLORIOUS. Sun! Finally!!!! Ocean, finally!!!! I also was fortunate enough to spend my birthday there...and Eva made me a real, HUGE carrot cake! I got to see the beautiful beaches and reflect upon life. It really was paradise, I am so thankful that I got to see it.

I arrived back in Düsseldorf, and the next day it was off to Hamburg for the big audition! then, on Wedensday, Kai and I took a trip to Paris for 4 days. Sigh.....this trip also requires its own post. All in all....a BLAST.

This week, life is back to normal. It's mid September and OFFICIALLY fall...I've had to wear my winter coat and a scarf at night ALREADY because it's chilly. I do kind of miss that NC September humidity. School is starting....it's a new season for new opportunities in its own way. A fresh start. Inspiring, really. More to come!

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

As recently I’ve been itching to work and get on with this whole musical theater thing, I’ve been browsing the web for auditions for theater in Germany. I stumbled upon an open call for Tokyo Disney, auditioning in London….and I took a little looksy…

As it turn out, Tokyo Disney is the 2^nd largest theme park in the world….and they get paid almost $1,000 BIG ONES per week! Housing, a per diem, and round trip travel to and from Japan is taken care of for you. Contracts run for a minimum of 6 months.

DUDE!!!! What an amazing opportunity! Ideally, this would be a FANTASTIC way for me to save a little bit of money while getting some professional theme park experience! I’ve heard from others that Disney really takes care of their performers. And yes, I know, Tokyo? Really?! That’s pretty crazy, but if this where to work out, I wouldn’t be able to say no.

So I checked, got the time off, bought the flight and booked a hotel within the next 6 hours. It was a very spontaneous decision, and I am investing a significant amount of my wages in this audition, but it is worth it just to get the experience. And I thought, hey, if they wave me away from the second I open my mouth, at least I’ll be in LONDON and I can go frolick for a day! I ironed my awesome green dress and I’ve selected “Maybe This Time” from Cabaret and “I Whistle A Happy Tune” from the King and I. I figured it would be best to show my classical training, because that’s what I’m strongest at, but in the Cabaret number I’ll show them that I can belt a little bit. I think the main objective for the first round of cuts is to wear something memorable (green dress and big blonde hair, check) and show as much personality as possible.

So here I am. It’s 6:40am, and I’ve already checked out of my hostel. I left at 6 this morning to go to the Studio where the audition is held to hold my place in line, but when I got there, there was NOBODY THERE….I started to panic a little bit thinking that maybe I had the wrong day….but now I’m sure I haven’t. I’ve just heard over and over from my friends in New York that when an open call states “Check in is at 9am”….that means you need to arrive at 6 am to hold your place in line. Oh well. This way I’m waiting until 7am and then I can grab the free breakfast here at the hostel I “slept” in last night….I was far too excited and nervous to get a solid sleep. But I feel vocally great, so no worries. Hopefully this buzz will hold today…..

So, theoretically, I could be cast as: A lead/understudy/ensemble member of “Wicked”, a 40’s big band singer, a lead/ensemble in their big Western dinner/theater show, or a stunt woman in some crazy monster show. I’m hoping at best bet that I’ll stand out enough to be considered for the ensemble. I know this is absolutely NUTS, but the truth is, I know that if I never put myself out there, I will never get anywhere! You have to really take chances in order to make yourself available for these opportunities….nothing ventured, nothing gained after all! And, at the very least, I will have experienced my first professional “Cattle Call” audition and spent the day in London!

Let me just say….I’ve only been here for a few hours, but I’m staying in the Borough of Camden, and this place is AWESOME. So much character! I cant really describe it….something among the way the buildings are carved out, and the way the cobblestone streets jam together and the appearance of the taxi cabs and double decker red buses floating around! ( I rode on a bus last night from Victoria Station to my hostel!) I’m thinking I might try to catch a show in the west end tonight…that is, if I can find a cheap enough ticket! The only other thing that I have to worry about is getting myself to the Stansted Airport to fly back to Germany at 7am tomorrow morning. Les Mis? Legally Blonde? Hm….

I wish I had more time to spend here, however I know that I don’t have the funding to really experience London. I think Dad and Matt should come here. I also had the thought….would it be possible for me to move here and pursue my theatrical ambitions instead of New York? Would I need a visa or a work permit of some kind? Could I audition for some agencies here? Obviously I would have a better shot if I had more training….which is why a Master’s degree is appealing to me right now….There’s a FAB program at the Royal Scottish Academy in Glasgow that I would love to be accepted in. It’s only one year, so that’s less money to spend and less time before I’m actually able to be out working in the real world.

You know, I really believe that moving to Germany has tripled my independence level. I always felt independent at home, especially from being constantly encouraged by my AWESOME parents…from the first time I got my first job all by myself to the second I paid off my last bit of debt at the bank….I really think that I could go anywhere and accomplish anything. And, especially now that I’ve gone to live in another country and learned to communicate successfully in a mere 6 months…it was extremely difficult to be separated from my family at first, but now I’ve managed quite well! The prospect of taking on this audition is NOTHING compared to what I’ve already achieved in the last 6 months.

PART DEUX:

Life is just a funny funny thing. People are funny. The way people and opportunities are woven in and out of your life.

I was second in line to the Pineapple Dance Studios for the audition this morning. The first in line was a lovely girl named Amy, also American, and as it turns out, she was my saving grace today. Without her, I don’t know how I possibly could have navigated this crazy city.

The turn out for this audition was definitely eclectic….but everyone was relatively young. Most people didn’t turn up until between 8:30 and 9, and there seemed to be only about 75 people there to audition. We waited for about 3 hours before they actually started calling numbers. I was number 16. Most of the people there truly looked terrible…wearing awful trashy things that weren’t at all appealing. The people ahead of me in line were all relatively whiney and belty. I walked in with total confidence and sang my little heart out. They responded graciously for my efforts to come all the way to London, and then thanked me for singing for them. Fini. I took this as “Thanks, have a nice life!”

I totally am not torn up about it….the reason I invested in this trip was to see a little bit of London and also to get this kind of experience. As I’m reflecting, I know that these people have been casting for Tokyo Disney for 10 years, and they’ve been doing the same shows for 10 years. They have a very distinct formula for what they’re looking for in a Disney performer, and honestly….I’m sure they know if you fit the mold the minute you walk in the door. And I felt SO good about my singing, and I knew that I was better and more prepared than the other 6 or 7 that went in before me. It’s a corporate thing. And, this just means that I am available for something else to happen to me! Maybe Wicked in Oberhausen will work out after all.

So, for the rest of the day, dear precious Amy lent me her debit card, cell phone, map, and knowledge of the area to help me get around. Our first goal was helping me get my ticket back to the airpoirt for tomorrow morning….and the second was showing me around! We stumbled to St. Paul’s Cathedral, across the Thames to the Tate and the Globe, getting a great view of London and Tower Bridge. Then, we moseyed back to Leicester Square, where we sat at T. Square for about an hour and just talked about theater and life. She just finished her Masters in Acting from a school in Birmingham, and she’s planning on moving to London in a few weeks! She also offered her couch to me should I ever come back and audition! Seriously, I would have been COMPLETELY lost and disoriented without her….she seriously was my angel today. Funny how that worked out…like she was just sent to that audition to look after me J

After Amy caught her train back up to Birmingham, I stumbled over to the National Gallery and saw some Caravaggio and Leonardo da Vinci works, went to Westminister and saw Big Ben and the Parliament buildings….Westminster Abbey, and also tried to find Buckingham palace without much success. I suppose I could try to go see it now…

My treat to myself was to buy a student rush ticket to see Wicked in the West End! So now, I’m waiting until 7:00 when the doors open! I am so thrilled! And then after that, I catch the train back to Stansted Airport where I will most likely pass out waiting for my plane. I have to be there at 6 am anyway….so I thought best to just sleep there. Anywho…Maybe I should try to make it over to Buckingham Palace today….I do still have one hour before curtain, and I don’t think that Buckingham Palace is far from here. Maybe I should find a map…..Silly Sara. Trying to navigate London without a map. Thank goodness I met Amy.

Where is Summer?

I've been feeling a bit gloomy these past few days....the weather here is DEFINITELY not summer like at all....grey and often rainy every day with highs no more than 65 degrees. But that humid kind of 65 degrees where it's not warm outside and you still have to wear a jacket but you end up sweating anyways. Yuck. I've lost every tiny bit of a tan that I managed to soak up while I was home in NC...sigh. I guess that's healthier for my skin.

I've also, just in general, begun to feel very....crummy. Düsseldorf is a city known for its fashion and glamour, and it seems that no matter what kind of effort I put into my appearance in the morning, I always end up feeling like a tramp in grimy clothes that aren't flattering as I'm walking Mucki through the town. I KNOW that is vain...but....I really like how the people here put effort into their appearances. I really love people watching on the Kö in the mornings and I only wish that I could be one of them. But it's not just my crummy nanny clothes crusted in Mucki's spit up....My hair is getting gross and needing a trim....my skin is seriously having some kind of pizza-like reactions, only to be made WORSE by wearing cover up, so I have to brave the town looking like I have the chicken pox...My bras don't even fit correctly.

Surely that is superficial...and unnecessary to post in a blog...but I can't HELP it. I really hate feeling like a tramp and that I have nothing appropriate to wear to make me look nice....but it's really difficult to find a chic and practical 'nanny' look...no matter what I wear I will end up getting spit up or drool or what have you on my clothes. I don't know how the Düsseldorf moms do it....looking as chic as they do with 3 kids in hand. Of course I could spend my meager wages on some nice looking versatile pieces....a nice summer jacket, for instance, which I seem to be needing these days....a bra that actually fits me and that is pretty....a nice looking professional and chic bag...but I can't seem to justify spending my money on that when I could use it for other things....like travelling...

Speaking of travelling...I will be going to Mallorca next month and then spending the week after my birthday visitng my cousin Patricia in Paris! The GerMan is coming along as well...and I am really looking forward to that. Of course, September is ALSO the month of Oktoberfest, so I have that to look forward to as well. Then, in October, I have been invited to go to Italy with Kai and his family (Yaaaaahooooo!!!!!) I also found a 25 Euro ticket to Edinburgh, so I'm thinking I might try to make a trip up to Abernethy during the month of November.

Also been thinking alot these days about auditions and grad school....and life. I do feel stuck in limbo right now....I'm not really doing anything monumental or going on any adventures this month, and my German has definitely hit another stand still. Of course it has improved...but I'm still struggling with the grammar and getting the 'Der Die Das Den Dem' thing straight. I have sent my headshot and resume to some casting companies here for auditions to Cinderella and Wicked, but they will have to get back to me to invite me to the call. Pre-screening. I had some help putting my performance resume in German, so I'm hoping that me being an American and native English-speaker will not be a disadvantage to me. It shouldn't be....because it's musical theater, after all, but you never know. And on that note....is it wiser for me to give the musical theater scene a try here first? My German isn't PERFECT....but I can certainly sing in German and I can learn lines and pronounce it correctly...Eva tells me that I don't have much of an accent when I speak. Is it any less competitive here than it is in the States? I wish I had someone who I could talk to about it, but I don't know ANY contacts, and Eva's contacts are primarily in the opera and classical world. Even though to study at a conservatory over here would be way cheaper than it would be at home (ironically...) I would still need to be fluent in German to make that happen and these days I am NOT feeling ANYWHERE close to fluent. Kai has been very helpful and encouraging....and him bringing me over to family functions has certainly been...shall we say....inspiring.

On that note....alles klar on that front. He is dreamy. I never realized how low my standards actually were with boys until I met this one. I've stopped being shocked whenever he does something like....calling when he says....or, inviting me to meet the parents....these every-day normal things which for him are no big deal, but for me, a HUGE deal! To actually have someone who is direct and caring, and who isn't afraid of putting me into his life and have me around his family and friends....is pretty remarkable. I had a little bit of an emotional moment on Friday...I was already feeling homesick that day and missing my mom....and was thinking about Thanksgiving and how I probably wouldn't be able to make it to Atlanta again this year. I was having dinner with Kai, his mother and sister, and another family that they're very close with. Of course, after the point where dinner crosses the 4 hour point, and as I'Ve learned, that's normal here....I start to tune the German out. But the laughing and the stories, and the talking over each other....it made me feel really really at home. Even though I am so far away from my family, it felt really really good to fit into another one, despite the language barrier.

I got a little emotional during dinner and succeeded in hiding it at the time, but the next day I was watching an episode of 'How I Met Your Mother' with Kai that was about Thanksgiving dinner, and I TTOOOOOTALLY lost it! Poor Kai. He had no idea what was wrong with me, and as I was sobbing and waving my hands trying to communicate, 'Oh, it's really nothing....I'm fine....just having one of those crazy moments you know...' He's a winner. To put up with my crazy.

It is hard to be far away, still. I do love it over here, despite the lack of summer and the feeling non-glamorous, but there really is no place like home. I guess you no matter how grown up you get, you never stop missing home.

Live Music and Mexican Food!!!!!

Overall....this week has been really fantastic. I have been missing Mexican food....and have been feeling some pangs of homesickness this week for sure. And then. I discovered Casita Mexicana, and real authentic Mexican place in Düsseldorf!!!!!!!

They had nachos, REAL guacamole, burritos, tacos.....ahhhhh Himmel! (Heaven!) And, it was super affordable.....4 plates and 4 beers for only 30 euros!

Friday night, Kai and his dad invited me to see this artist Dub FX play in the northern part of the city....and WHOA. The show was really cool....this guy started making music as a street musician, and he made these crazy elaborate tracks from looping his voice in different ways. All he had was a microphone, his voice, and a pedal board where he used different effects from. It was really awesome, and I was really glad to get a sense of some live music.

Unfortunately, on the way to meet Kai and his dad I got in a little bike accident....These rollerbladers were in the bike lane coming towards me, and I mistakenly thought that they would respect my right of way and move. They didn't, we played chicken for a few seconds and then as I swerved to avoid them, so did they, but of course I ended up flying over the handlebars into the street, scraping the left side of my body, and flashing the entire intersection. I wasn't too pleased....so today I'm at home nursing my bruises.

More to come!

Altbier Tour

Every region in Germany is known for brewing its own

special beer. Here in Düsseldorf, they brew what is known as "Altbier", a darker, richer type of beer that I would compare to Newcastle. Or maybe Yuengling. In any case, I LOVE it. So, one "Düsseldorfer" thing I really wanted to do was make a little Altbier tour of the 4

local breweries right here in Düsseldorf! And very very conveniently I happen to have met and fallen in love with a real,

live Düsseldorf boy and Altbier expert!

It was not difficult to convince him to lead the t

our.

We started at the Schumacher Brewery in the Carlsplatz open air market. Schumacher, Kai informed

us, is

the lightest in color and sweetest of the Alts. Perfect for summer.

Next, we moved to the Uerige Brewery, just on

e block down the road and sat indoors.

This beer was much darker and bitter in taste, meant for heavier and more traditional German dishes like Leberwurst Brötchen or Black Pudding. It would have been great in the wintertime, but I like the lighter and sweete

r taste of the first beer.

The third stop was Schlüssel. This place had a beer that was light like the first but bitter like the second....I like it alot. Unfortunately, you can't really find it in town except for at the brewery. It did have the coolest story behind it....the word "Schlüssel" in German means "key".

In the days of Olde...Düsseld

orf used to be surrounded by 3 city gates, and at night they would lock the gates shut and store the keys in this brewery to keep them

safe! Cool!

The last and final stop was my favorite....the Füchschen Brauerei. "Füchschen" means "Little Fox". This beer was more red in color an

d sweeter. It was super fresh and it only is good for about one month, unlike most other beers, so its shelf life is very precious! At Füchschen we were definitely in need of some nourishment, so I ordered a traditional "Mettbrötchen", which is a rol

l sliced into halves and topped with a mixture o

f raw ground pork, diced onions, salt and pepper. It might sound gross, because it certainly did to ME the first time it was described to me, but it is

DELICIOUS! One of my favorite local dishes.

A great success! I can check it off my list.

Berlin!

Upon my return home, Kai picked me up and we were almost immediately off to Berlin. He spent some time with his friend from school, Marc Hines, and I visited my dear old friend Patty Chuang. The most remarkable thing about Berlin is how BLOODY HUGE it is! It's as long as Manhattan, including the Bronx and Brooklyn, only from east to west as well!

The first day, we arrived around 4pm and Patty and I went to grab a few beers before watching the Holland v. Uruguay match. We found a lovely biergarten and had our fill of Hefeweizen with Kai, Mark, and two other friends of theirs, Gloria and Lavinia. Lovely time indeed. It did end up taking us over an hour to get home!

The next day was spent sleeping in and then sightseeing! We toured the Reichstag, the Brandenburg Gate, the Holocaust Memorial (extraordinarily moving and rather creepy....it was an entire city block of cement rectangular blocks at different heights, creating this really eerie cement forest. Got the point across.) and then we made a new friend named Isabelle! She asked us to take a picture of her, and we got to chatting, turns out her husband was working and kids were with their grandparents, so then she took us out for a beer. She was so lovely....we had the best time chatting it up with her and practicing her German! From there, we hit up Potsdamer Platz to see Patty's new fancy office....she is spending the next 6 months working for Deutsche Bahn. I passed by the magnificent Philharmonic building, waved to Sir Simon, which was lovely. Next, we hit up Checkpoint Charlie...which was also pretty cool. It is the entrance to what used to be the American sector of Berlin. It's really very cool to see how the four nations have left their mark on Berlin even today.

That evening, we met the boys downtown to find a place to watch the Germany v. Spain match....and ended up at, believe it or not, HOOTERS. Of all places. But the city was PACKED! every bar and restaurant we tried to go into was completely full...even 2 1/2 hours before the game! These Germans are really dedicated. Well we ended up there drinking shitty beer but had a great view to a TV...so all was well. Sadly, Germany lost, and we sauntered on home.

I loved just walking around Berlin taking in all of the street art that is available. The next day, we went to this really cool exhibit at the Museum of Ethno...something something....to see an exhibit on Haitian voodoo art! It was UNbelievably creepy...there are several different Gods that are made representations of through various mediums, but most of the "voodoo" dolls are life-sized rag dolls that are made of cloth, sequins, and real human SKULLS. it was also really cool to check out the altars....made of huge mirrors and human bones. Rockin.

All in all a fantastic few days!

Home Sweet Home

Holy Moly it has been a long time since I've posted....and I have so much to tell! I'm going to divide the entries up into locations instead of doing just one big MASSIVE post.

First stop was a good, much needed taste of North Carolina. Getting off that plane at RDU into a wave of delicious June humidity has never been more pleasant....and I am actually not being sarcastic. Dad picked me up and drove me home to my mommy...who I was SO happy to see. And even at 10pm and after quite a difficult season, she looked like a rock star! I was so happy to see her looking great and in great spirits. And, not 10 minutes after I had walked in the door, my beloved Rachel and Emily showed up with an adorable "Welcome Home" wagon consisting of a lovely poster and a delicious helping of Taco Bell Nachos. Yum. Apparently they missed Dad and I in the airport by a matter of minutes. I've never felt so special!!

The next few days were pretty much taken over by Lindsey's wedding....finding something to wear....nailing down some musical details, and recovering from jet-lag, of course! It was such a special experience to get to be a part of her ceremony....when I saw her come in the church door at the wedding rehearsal, I got a little teary-eyed. She looked so unbelievably radiant in a indigo satin dress, hair done, silver shoes, and on the arm of that lucky guy Andy Hayek. Rehearsal went splendidly, and then on the rehearsal dinner at the fancy-schmancy Capitol City Club! I was joined by my love, Scott Waldrup, and he, Clare and I had such a blast chatting with the family at our table. I also got up to make a toast to Lindsey and Andy during the toasting time...something I didn't plan on doing, but was really glad I did.

The wedding was truly lovely. It was really special to be able to sing for Lindsey and also to sing with Clare again. Of course Lindsey had arranged the duet herself, a rendition of "The Gift of Love"....and it was really wonderful. I did get pretty sentimental during the entire ceremony...alas. The reception was a blast, since Clare and I brought Scott and Tart as our dates. We pretty much just hung out by the bar and were set for the rest of the night.

The rest of the week consisted of me hanging out with my mom, my dad, my doggy, Rebecca, hanging out by the pool and planning my adventure in Berlin with Patty! I got my fill of heat, home cooking, my Honda, and home. Thursday, July 1st, Dad and I flew to New York for a day o fun and mayhem...we basically just had a blast stumbling around the Village hanging out at Forbidden Planet and guitar shops, and of course supplementing that with too much coffee. I love that I can show my dad around the city and still feel comfortable. I got to see my love William for lunch, Dave Clemmons for a brief visit, and then Dad and I had dinner with his friend Godfrey from the Arrogance days!

The next day, I took a bus from Port Authority to Seaside Park, NJ, to spend some time with Katie Curtis and her family on their boat, Harmony. It was EXACTLY what I needed....a day of relaxation on the beach and bloody marys with one of my best friends. We caught up on EVERYTHING...and it's so nice to know that we have gone over one year without seeing each other and it feels like nothing has changed.

The next, day, back to New York, and back to Germany. I thought I was going to be way more depressed and stressed out to leave....but as it turns out, I was really excited to get back to Germany. I had so much exciting stuff to look forward to...seeing friends and trips to Berlin and Paris! Not sure exactly when I'll be back in the States....but I'm perfectly content to be where I am.

World Cup

The city is a-buzz as the World Cup opening weekend is unfolding. It's so exciting to be here! Yesterday, I went to my friend Adele's house to watch England play against USA...which was especially fun since she's English. Our boys in blue played much MUCH better than expected, which was fantastic! The score was 1-1...so we might actually have a shot this year!

Today, Germany plays Australia at 8:30...and I have never seen so many German flags in my life....they're everywhere! It seems like every person out today is wearing black, red and yellow...and all the houses have German flags hanging from the window! I'm planning on going to the Altstadt tonight to watch the game with some friends, and I'll definitely be donning the appropriate colors. The real problem will be if the U.S. ends up playing Germany...eeeek!

Other than that...no new happenings. I can't BELIEVE I'm returning home for a visit in only 10 days! I also can't believe I've made it this far. I can't wait to see Mom and my puppy dog...and have a dip in the pool....ahhh. It's still only about 70 degrees here at the warmest!

Looking forward to another sunny week...

Sing Sing Sing

Yesterday I ventured to Cologne to have my first official voice lesson!! I met with Prof. Arthur Janzen, who is a Canadian tenor, teaching in Cologne for over 20 years. I was really nervous...I brought a Despina aria because I knew I could sing it in my sleep, and I figured that I couldn't go wrong with Mozart.

The lesson was a smash!!!! It was great to get back into the nitty gritty of just SINGING. the VOICE. Making SOUND with it. AND.....vocally....everything was totally smooth all the way through my register. I was even singing up to E flats.....which I've never actually been able to do in a lesson before, only on my own!! Then, Prof. Janzen told me that I had a nice voice, very workable and no major technical issues to work through...just keep working on solid support, etc etc etc. That was probably the best possible result I could have gotten....and now I just need to find some appropriate repertoire. He suggested Gounod...which was suprising, but hey, I'm down! Now what I could REALLY use is an accompanist so I can really rehearse this music!!!!

After the lesson I celebrated with a few beers in Cologne and stumbled my way back home to Duesseldorf. It was a great day.

Also, Eva's teachers from Yale are visiting us this week, and today we went back to Cologne to see the Dom and have lunch. Basically it was a way for me to have an entire day's worth of their time getting to know them and picking their brains about the Yale Opera program and how to proceed with my singing. And now, I want to go to Yale. The program is FREE....all you have to do is get in. Easy, right? WRONG. They only have a total of 16 singers in the program at a time. I have a lot of work to do but at least I have a goal to work towards!

I'm also falling in love more and more everyday with little Nepomuk. He really is the world's most adorable child. And he laughs and smiles at me everytime I look at him. We're in love. I had a really awful pang of sadness when I realized that he won't remember me at all :( I guess that's the way it goes.

SO MUCH HAPPENING!!!

Last Saturday, I walked around downtown Duesseldorf with my friend Liam....and apparently we missed the memo that it was "Dress Like a Complete Freak" Day, otherwise known as "Japan-Tag", a day to honor Japanese culture. However, more striking than the actual displays of Japanese related things were the masses of seemingly repressed teenagers that came out of their vampire caves to don some of the craziest outfits I've ever seen. I'm talking better than Halloween.

Perhaps the intent was to pay tribute to Manga characters....but it definitely didn't translate. Freak. Freaking. Show. So Liam and I walked around and openly made fun of people to their faces. It was really great....lots of laughs topped off with a necessary ice cream.

Other notable news....I found someone to take me on as a voice student! Prof. Arthur Janzen from the Hochschule fuer Musik in Cologne! He is a Canadian baritone who was recommended to me by a colleague of Eva's! Yay!! We scheduled a voice lesson for next Monday...so stay tuned....now I'm trying to decide what would be best to sing for him AND what to wear for this lesson.

Also....another excellent happening:

My friend Sarah, another American au pair here in D'dorf, has a host family that owns a club called "Ruda's Studios"...apparently one of the hippest clubs around. They do so well that they're only open on Tuesday and Saturday nights. So Sarah hooked me up with her host parents to discuss singing at the club a week or so ago, and they told me to show up at 6:30 for soundcheck as an "audition".

So I went. I came prepared with 5 pop songs and some gold high heels. I waited around for an hour....not really knowing what to do or who to talk to, and I didn't see anyone I had previously met before. Finally, I got up the guts to go talk to someone about my "audition" that I was supposed to have, and I was hurried on to the stage with the band while they were doing their soundcheck. After listing the songs I prepared, they were like, "Yeah, that's cool, but actually do you know 'Poker Face' and 'Tik Tok'? Those are much more fresh and something new and different for us."

Um.....Lady GaGa and Ke$ha? DUH! Luckily I listen to these two songs during every SINGLE work out session I've had for the past 9 months...

So I auditioned, and it was a success! They put me in both sets, and I got to ACTUALLY SING ONSTAGE that night when the club opened! And it was packed!!!!! People were dancing and singing back to me...I totally felt like a rockstar. And, even better, they told me to come back next week with another list of songs!!! This could be really cool for me....I could potentially end up getting a regular slot with this club....which could also lead to some other gigs in the area! Mayyyyybe even PAID gigs! I had such a blast.

WEeeeeeeekend.

This past weekend was splendid! On Sunday it was Jacky's birthday, so we headed to Sudpark to have an epic picnic. And epic, it was. We frolicked around in the sunshine, ran into a pond with at least one hundred mating and really loud frogs, sat by a lake and generally just laughed all day. It was gorgeous, and I even got sunburnt! Then, I took a group of girls to their first opera experience at the Oper am Rhein, "Tosca"....my ALLTIME favorite. It didn't quite live up to my expectations, but I was still able to learn a lot and enjoy my favorite opera tunes!

Monday, I took a day trip to the historical city of Aachen with Heather, Jacky, Elina, Trine and Liam. Aachen is on the very western border of Germany, right next to Belgium and the Netherlands, and it was the center of the Carolingian Empire way back when, not to mention the coronation and tombsite of the great emporer Charlemagne.

The Dom, definitely the highlight of the day, was UNbelievable, full of mosaic and Byzantine art and motifs....the art historian in me went a little nutso.

The cathedral was built in the year 800 AD...which totally blew my mind. There was alsot plenty of time for goofing around in Aachen, which you can see in the video below:

Sunshine and a day by the Rhein...

Today was fantastic!!! The sun was out again...and the weather warmed up a little bit so I didn't need a jacket. I went for a brief run in the Hofgarten, then ventured out to a picnic by the Rhein with some other nannies plus Alex. Since we're all pretty broke...the picnic consisted of lots of chocolate things...but it didn't matter. We spent some time playing by the riverside and skipping rocks, enjoying the view of the city and the sunshine.

After the picnic, some of us split off to take a Rhein cruise, and I had coffee and cake with Marie, Adele and Alex. That followed by a MARVELOUS performance of Verdi's "Rigoletto" at the opera house with Heather! The production was pretty new-age, but the singing...oh lordy the singing was fantastic. Finally a production with solid and committed performers throughout the whole piece! And musically tantalizing!!!

Here's my video for today:

When in Holland...

So, today, "Ascension Day", is a German National Holiday, so I had the day off! Sarah, Laura and I took a road trip to Maatstricht, a little town in the Netherlands that's about one hour away. We had such a blast!

We got off to a little bit of a rocky start getting to know Gabrielle, our GPS personality, however it led us to the small village of Titz....this slightly distressing detour made this hilarious picture possible.

The day included the discovery of a flea market, a street fair, and city gates that dated back to 1229, AND the Basilica of the Virgin Mary dating back to the year 1000! Whoa!!

Apparently the Netherlands are known for their "Pommes"...or french fries, and they way to have them is with "Speciaal Sauce", otherwise known as mayonnaise mixed with curry ketchup and onions. Sounds gross, right? WRONG. It was the most delicious thing.

Here's my video blog from the day!

Feeding time at the zoo

So far today....other notable happenings: Mucki peed all over me while I was changing his diaper...thus I had to go change my whole outfit. Ahhh, the joys of childcare.

I also vocalized...which felt AMAZING...especially because I didn't feel vocally awesome today, so it meant that I had to work EVEN HARDER. I ended my session with a really excellent run of Handel's "Non Disperar". I've been working on "Depuis le jour" from Louise, however I think it's just too hard for me right now. It sits right on the passaggio, which is difficult for me to sing with solid support and resonance...much less leave any room for styling and phrasing. Okay, enough shop talk...

Video Number 2!

This one is also sideways.....but I will learn....

Video Blog! 11 May 2010

It turned out sideways.... oh well!

Sick

Busy week...Mucki has been a little sick, and then the next thing you know...so am I. I've spent approximately the last 36 hours in bed...fever is finally gone, but now I'm completely stir crazy from being inside this whole time.

No real profound reflections...I'm just really pissed that my whole weekend has to be spend resting up in bed. BOO.

And, to top it off, I would kill for an ice cream, however absolutely NOTHING is open on Sundays here in Germany. And I'm not about to put forth the effort to put on clothes so I can go stumbling around the Atlstadt looking for something that MIGHT be open. No. No no. I will stay in bed and watch old movies.

On the other hand....missing my mom these days....she's doing so well with her treatments but I still wish I could be there with her. A visit home next month will be definitely called for.

New Season, New Friends

This week has been a complete blur. A blur in the best possible way. Apparently, there are dozens of other au pairs here in Dusseldorf...and this week I FOUND THEM!!!

Monday, I went to have coffee/dessert with Marie from Sweden, Elina from Sweden, Adele from the UK, and Sandra from Finland. Then, on Wednesday, I met another Sarah A. from Minnesota and Soffia from Iceland. THEN, Friday...I can't even tell you...so many new friends! Liam and Jacquelin from Canada, another Jackie from the US (who also graduated from UNC last year...WHAT?!) Miriam from France....the list goes on. It's been an amazing week of making new friends. AND....they all speak English with each other!

My German class starts TUESDAY...I'm ready to devour it. I'm going to be a German BEAST in about one month, I forsee.

Today, Marie and I went to Cologne to see "Art Cologne", one of the biggest international art fairs! It was really fantastic, we saw everything from Picasso to Max Ernst to some new, extremely fresh contemporary work! Then we had Eis (ice cream) and frolicked around a little bit...it was seriously almost 80 degrees today so I was in heaven!!

Yesterday I went on a 3 hour bike ride to do some thinking and get a little exercise...and here's what I came up with.

All of a sudden, it's quiet. I hear only the wind, the birds, and the occasional airplane. I've met several other "au pair maedchen" this week...it's truly amazing how international this city is.

I'm really torn between staying here a bit longer and heading home. I don't know what's the right choice and I don't know where my heart is...I suppose it's torn in half between two different lives/countries. I hope I find it.

I think my attachments to NC and home are closing me off to some opportunities here. I wonder if I should release my attachments to home entirely. Maybe not be in touch so frequently...except with my Mom, of course. Maybe that would allow me to really be open to new experiences here. Like...stop worrying so much about whether to stay or go and just BE here and let ALL of me be here for awhile. I wonder what that would be like...I'd probably benefit from that.

I really do feel like I've lost some of myself and I'm looking for her...looking for the piece to complete the puzzle. I don't know what I want from life, but I don't know what it is that I'm looking for either...obviously my life wasn't complete at home or I wouldn't have jumped at this opportunity to go searching. If I was completely content in Raleigh, then I never would have left.

So, what is it that I'm looking for? A career? A sense of accomplishment? Love? Fulfillment? Knowledge?

I guess I'm looking for all of these things. I think I should let go of everything that I know of "familiarity" and start completely over. Let go of the things that I know there's nothing I can do about right now...feelings and attachments that I have.

My life brought me here for a reason, so I should figure out what that reason is.

So, yesterday, I realized that my job here is actually a professional cuddler. I get to sit with this adorable child and cuddle him ALL DAY. My other duties in the job description include walks through the park and a limited amount of feeding.

Seriously...this is by far the most fun thing I've ever been paid to do.

But then I thought, "So, is it better to love what you do and not where you live, or love where you live and not what you do?"

Not that I HATE where I live, because I don't. I have a fabulous little flat in the city center of Dusseldorf. Can't complain. But it is still really quite difficult to make a life of my own here.

I went to an "Expat Meet-up" last night that I found online, and it turned out to be a pretty good time. I met loads of other English-speakers, which was definitely a relief, but it was still a bit monotonous...asking everyone you meet where they're from, why they're here, what they do...etc etc..and repeating the same things about yourself. But HOW ELSE do you meet people? There seemed to be a very common theme of young women who moved to Dusseldorf/Germany in general to be with their husband/boyfriend. And another thing I learned that I really appreciated....I met several Germans last night, and they truly are a very passionate and patriotic people. They love talking about the history of their country with the intent of educating others who might be interested. I found this really neat...seeing as so many of us Americans don't know our history as well as we should (myself absolutely being included...)

I learned that Dusseldorf was, and still is, a huge industrial capital for Germany. All of the tanks and weapons used in WWII were made here. And...also that D'dorf and Cologne were pretty much bombed to the ground during the war...so they rebuilt it with some pretty ugly motifs, since there was absolutely no money. The Altstadt of Munich, on the other hand, was rebuilt meticulously to resemble exactly what it looked like before it was bombed. Just...interesting... I loved listening to people talk about this.

This weekend I'm planning on going to see "Der Rosenkavalier" in Cologne, so that will be a BLAST...it's some of my absolute favorite music, but I've never seen it performed!

Inspired!!!

So, after a rather rough week of feeling homesick and lonely....I have regrouped!

Thinking about all the travel that is accessible to me has re-awakened the Sara Abernethy that got herself this awesome gig in Germany. No more time to be wasted being sad in this time of opporunity!

I decided I was going to plan for one big trip per month. As I continue to (hopefully...) meet people, maybe I'll be able to get someone to travel with! This month, I will be headed to BERLIN to visit the lovely Miss Amanda Franklin, and to scrape the surface of all it has to offer. Surely, I could spend months in Berlin soaking it up, but I will have to make do with a few days. I'm really thrilled about seeing the Brandenburg Gate and some of the other amazing sights. I'm also hoping to take a day trip to Antwerp, Belgium to visit "die zwei Pieters" that I met at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich!

In May, I'm planning to make my pilgrimage to the motherland...a visit to the village of Abernethy, Scotland, U.K. I thought about stopping in London on the way up...but I've decided against it. This trip will be solely dedicated to Scotland. I'm going to stop in Glasgow to visit Mr. Brian Fisher from my days at Enloe, so it will be good to see him again, and have a friendly, familiar face to have a beer with. Abernethy is apparently a city full of history...there's even a museum! I'm really looking forward to it...I'll probably get off the bus and just start weeping.

June, I'm coming back to the States for a sec...so travels for June are TBD.

I also found a fantastic website called "Toytown", it's a huge forum for English speakers living in Germany! There are several posts put up by young people in Dusseldorf and Cologne who are stumbling around, just like me, looking for friends to hang out with. PERFECT! I even responded to a post for some people looking for others to get together with a guitar and play some music! I'm really nervous about putting myself out there, but I know that it's the only way I'm going to meet people and make friends!

Also...today I just started googling "Germany" and "auditions" and got a number of hits for MUSICALS like Sister Act and other things....so I think I'm going to try to go to some of these. They're huge open calls just like in the States, and hey, it couldn't hurt! Who knows what might happen!

Travel. Friends. Auditions. All of these exciting prospects, not to mention the fact that SPRING is finally here....have really gotten my spirits back up about being here. Also really looking forward to going to see Madama Butterfly in Cologne on Sunday night!

Easter Weekend

A whole crowd arrived this morning- Christoph's parents, Eva's father and another couple, Charlotte and Kaspar. The house was very lively, indeed! It's nice to have a crowd around, but it just makes me miss my usual Easter crowd :(

This weekend is going to be a bit difficult...I will be needed often with the baby because everyone is going to see concerts and having dinner every night. I know that's exactly why I'm here...but it will be a bit of a lonely stretch, and thinking about my family in Atlanta...this is the first time in 20 years that I haven't been there!

I'm also really anticipating getting back to Dusseldorf so I can start searching for a teacher...I'm very excited to get in contact with one American teacher at the conservatory in Dusseldorf who Eva has worked with! I really want to be working on something new...new music...and just continuing to explore singing. I'm also really curious to know what this lesson will be like, and how it will be different from other lessons I've had before. I really miss singing these days, and I really miss having a creative project to work on.

Boring, slightly sad post. But I'm currently writing this from my favorite little place, called "Afro Cafe" in Salzburg. I just ordered a glass of wine and a nice lunch, so at least I'll be able to enjoy that before I have to go back to being the babysitter.

I will say, however, of all of the things I've been paid to do, watching and playing with this precious little angel is by far the most fun. It's definitely a lifestyle, and not just a job, but I am really falling in love with this child. He is such fun to play with and to take care of...so at the end of the day, I have that.

Day at the Quarry

Yesterday Eva and I took the baby to a tiny village in Bavaria to see the quarry/company that her grandfather owned. It was quite neat, they gave us a tour on a Jeep and everything. I couldn’t understand a lot of what our guide was telling us, but Eva translated some of it for me. I couldn’t imagine working in a quarry in BAVARIA..where they have feet and feet of snow to deal with every winter! It was neat to be in her grandfather’s office and look at all of the pictures.

After that, we went to the only place to eat in town, called something that started with a W…and, even though it was 3:30 on a Monday, this place was packed! I had a delicious pork dish with a Knödel dumpling and gravy, and then we had DESSERT.

OH. My. God. This place made the most incredible cakes I have ever seen! They had this tiny little bakery inside, and by the looks of it, people were coming in and out just to take cake away! Just like Hayes Barton. We had “Kaiserschmann”, a traditional Austrian dessert…it’s pretty much like a really fancy funnel cake with apple sauce. Fried dough and powdered sugar. But it’s much denser and creamier and it has raisins in it. We shared it, but I’m positive I consumed about 80% of it. Then, we took 5 pieces of cake home with us because they looked so amazing! Also, they had the best, most delicious, butteriest coffee I have had since being over here. I must get the name of the town and the Café so I can try to go back someday!

After lunch, Eva and I and Mucki went for a little walk around the area, and she told me about this hike from Munich to Venice through the Alps. She spent a week with her dad doing this hike several years ago, and said it was such fun, and that I should think about doing it! You hike through the Alps, and every day you plan how far you want to go, and at the end of each day you stay at these tiny little country inns, and then go to the market in town to get bread and sausage and cheese to eat for the day! All you need to bring with you is a good pair of boots and socks, underwear, a raincoat and a fleece, a camera, and a toothbrush. I was sold. I just need to find a buddy who wants to do it with me, because as cool as that would be, I don’t think it would be very safe to go alone. But apparently the inns are super cheap…around 7 euros a night for a room! Split between 2 that’s only 3.50! So for 7 days, 6 nights, you could spend only around 20 euros apiece! AMAZING. And then, you’d either end up in Munich or in VENICE. I really wish I could do the whole hike, but that takes about a month….a bit longer than I have.

Spring in Salzburg

What a funny town, Salzburg. Spring has definitely sprung, and everything is just unbelievably beautiful. The hill where the dollhouse is covered in Edelweiss and pretty blue wildflowers, and the view is topped, of course, with snow capped Alps in the distance. So scenic, yet so lonely.

The big Easter Festival opened last weekend, and Eva said her premiere was a great success! The town is really buzzing about this week, I think more people have arrived for both the festival and Easter holiday. Supposedly over here it’s not uncommon for people to take a whole week to celebrate Easter! So different from home where you get an extra day added to your weekend, if you’re lucky.

I’ve been battling with a really terrible case of homesickness…and I predicted that it would happen right about now. My German has improved so much, however it’s still not good enough to really talk to people and make friends. So I haven’t made any friends, and am really really missing the ones I have at home, not to mention my family. I also miss being comfortable in my environment, and I’ve realized that that is the thing I get most homesick for when I’ve been homesick before. I miss knowing exactly where I am in town, how to get anywhere from anywhere. I miss knowing how things work and where the grocery store is and where the closest coffee shop is, and I miss running into familiar faces. I also miss the comfort of MY house, MY bed, MY backyard…but I suppose that’s all normal.

I have to keep reminding myself that I’m in the midst of a much cooler opportunity now, by putting myself out in the world, out of my comfort zone. I know exactly what would happen to me in Raleigh, NC, and I have no clue what’s going to happen to me here. Also, I have to keep telling myself that Raleigh is ALWAYS going to be there for me when I’m ready to come back to it. And, what would I be doing if I were in Raleigh? I would be waiting tables, most likely working on some local theatre production, whining about some boy du jour that doesn’t love me….etc. There’s nothing wrong with that, however it is SO MUCH more intriguing that I’m over here in the middle of this incredible international festival, meeting all of these professionals.

Ha! Speaking of professionals, the other day I was with Eva backstage at the theatre, and Sir Simon Rattle, the conductor of the Berlin Philharmonic walks by. I have met him once before when I was with Mucki, and this time he remembered my name and greeted me with a hug and two kisses on the cheek like I was an old friend!!!! SIR SIMON RATTLE!!! I almost passed out. I also, more importantly, was overwhelmed with how lovely he was towards me, so down to earth and friendly. A star conductor like him could TOTALLY be such an asshole, but he isn’t, and I think that’s wonderful.

I’ve been going hiking every morning, because it’s BEAUTIFUL and there are all kinds of trails around our house. That’s my time to really meditate, and I also pretty much always vocalize and sing during those hikes. At first I was a little self conscious about the singing, but now I just don’t care and sing full out every morning. Surely there’s been some local who’s seen me and gotten a kick out of it.

I have been very lucky to spend some time in this corner of the world. I hope I can come back and maintain my appreciation for it.

Much Ado about Munich

This past weekend I took the train to Munich to see a lovely friend of mine, Miss Carrie Lawler! Carrie has been living in Munich since August and is also a nanny! We were both very excited to see each other, as she confirmed...it's a little difficult to make friends over here, especially when you don't speak the native language.

Carrie lives in this FABULOUS apartment in the city center of Munich, two blocks away from the grounds where they hold the Oktoberfest festival! Very exciting. She and her boyfriend, Hannes, took me around on a bike to go out in the city both Friday and Saturday night. Carrie also had an extra dirndl, the tradition German-wear with the corset/dress and apron, so we BOTH wore them around Munich! It was so much fun!!!

Friday night we met up with their friend Robin and the 4 of us ate at a very cute local Italian place....wearing out dirndls...needless to say it was an evening full of culture. Then, we moved on to have a beer at a bar called the "Schnelle Liebe" (fast love...ha!) and Robin explained to me about all of the types of beer here in Munich, the BEER CAPITAL of the world! We had a great time.

The next day, the weather was absolutely GLORIOUS! Sunny, and warm! Carrie and I went on a 3 hour walking tour of Munich and we got to hear all about the history of WW2 and how it was rebuilt after the war. We also heard a little Hitler history, and about lots and lots of Bavarian culture. I loved it! We went through the Marienplatz, saw the huge Glockenspiel (the largest working cuckoo clock in the world!), went through Frauenkirche, the open-air market, St Peter's Catherdral, Maximillian Strasse, the Opera house, and Odeonsplatz...I could bore you all the fun, wonderful history we learned, but I shan't. Now I have much more on my list for my next visit!

That afternoon, we went to see Alice in Wonderland (in ENGLISH!!) and did it the American way...3D glasses, popcorn, candy and a coke. It was divine. Loved the movie...made me feel like I was at home!

Saturday night Carrie and Hannes took me to the Hofbrauhaus, the most famous beer hall in the entire world. We had a beer in a LITER jug...amazing! Also, by the time we had finished our beer, we had made friends with our entire table of people, not to mention a large group of Belgians. Funny how that happens after a liter of beer...hmm....

What a wonderful weekend! I absolutely love Munich, the people here are very proud of their Bavarian and German heritage, and I love all of the culture here. Not to mention the history!

i really want some freakin strudel....

Sitting back in my little museum cafe...with the free internet...while Mucki is sleeping. Usually, the adorable waiter that works here gives me some strudel with my coffee, but there is a different waitress working today, and when I asked for "ein bischen Strudel, bitte?" she did not respond well. She told me that they didn't have any...and I'm not really in a position to protest. I guess it will be good for that whole trying-to-get-in-shape-for-bathing-suit-season thing.

Sunday night, I went to see "Tosca", one of my ALL-TIME favorite operas by Puccini. It's got everything you could possibly want in an opera...romance, betrayal, murder, death and destruction...the works. It also is one of the only operas I've ever seen where I don't get bored by the third act. I know that seems a bit odd...since I do love opera, but they can be dreadfully long if the pacing/acting isn't clicking. With Tosca, it's so not the case. I was completely glued to it the entire time!

The conductor, Leo Hussain, is also the assistant conductor in the production that Eva is singing in here in Salzburg, so she was able to snag me a free ticket! It was such a treat, especially since I was feeling pretty rotten on Sunday. The singing was truly wonderful, and the SET...gahhh...it was such a spectacle, the way opera is supposed to be!

After the performance, I stuck around to see if I could catch Leo to say hello, and I was successful! I was a little nervous, since I had never actually met him before...I just knew who he was, but I saw him come out of the stage door and I bravely marched right up to him to introduce myself, officially, as "Sara Abernethy, Eva Vogel's au pair.." I was lucky, he recognized me instantly and gave me a warm greeting with the kiss on both cheeks! He then was kind enough to invite me for a drink with his friend/colleague/assistant, Andrew, and since I wasn't getting picked up for another hour, I gladly went!

It was so nice to sit there and chat with two native English speakers, both Leo and Andrew are from London. I really didn't realize how much slang I use in my every-day communication until I got here and was surrounded by people who don't speak English as a first language...I've had to completely re-evaluate the way that I speak. So, it was such fun to be able to revert back to my old ways :) They were both lovely and funny and very down-to-earth, I got to ask them all kinds of great questions about the back-stage happenings of Tosca. In return, they were curious to know more about me and what how I got over here.

Yesterday, it snowed like crazy...I have never seen so much snow in my LIFE. HUGE, big chunky flakes, and you couldn't see very well in front of you. It was like a white out! Eva and I almost couldn't get out of our driveway...I had to get out and push the car so we wouldn't get stuck, and ended up falling on my face into a huge pile of snow. It was hilarious, but I was a bit wet and cold for the next hour.

After Eva's rehearsal at the Festspielhaus we went to Afro Cafe and had a coffee and some cake...afternoon coffee and cake is kind of becoming a daily ritual for Eva and I. I tell you, I don't hate it. Then, we went and had dinner with one of the other singers from Eva's production...Mischa. I had been told much about this character, Mischa, already...Russian bass/baritone, and let me tell you...he is a DUDE. It's a bit difficult to describe Mischa...just imagine an extremely tall, incessantly cocky, loud dude with a thick Russian accent wearing designer boots over his designer jeans with his designer sweater vest. Whoa.

We had a delicious dinner at this hotel restaurant that is on a lake about 3 minutes outside of the city center...we all had some kind of delicious buttery fish called, "zander" with parsley potatoes, grilled vegetables, and a crisp riesling. SUCH a treat. I can't believe Eva invited me to come along, it was very VERY kind of her. Little Mucki slept through dinner entirely, so that was good. I got my own personal taste of the dude, Mischa, and after having dinner with him, I think he is truly good at heart, he just is a little bit frivolous and isn't quite aware how lucky he is to be so successful. He said to us at dinner, scoffing almost (and of course you have to imagine the Russian accent) "Oh weyull, Evaah, I don't sing for de money anymore...I jus' don't even have to worry about money". Dude just doesn't quiiiiite get it.

Time to head back to the theatre so Mucki can have lunch...and maybe I will go find some strudel elsewhere...