Where is Summer?

I've been feeling a bit gloomy these past few days....the weather here is DEFINITELY not summer like at all....grey and often rainy every day with highs no more than 65 degrees. But that humid kind of 65 degrees where it's not warm outside and you still have to wear a jacket but you end up sweating anyways. Yuck. I've lost every tiny bit of a tan that I managed to soak up while I was home in NC...sigh. I guess that's healthier for my skin.

I've also, just in general, begun to feel very....crummy. Düsseldorf is a city known for its fashion and glamour, and it seems that no matter what kind of effort I put into my appearance in the morning, I always end up feeling like a tramp in grimy clothes that aren't flattering as I'm walking Mucki through the town. I KNOW that is vain...but....I really like how the people here put effort into their appearances. I really love people watching on the Kö in the mornings and I only wish that I could be one of them. But it's not just my crummy nanny clothes crusted in Mucki's spit up....My hair is getting gross and needing a trim....my skin is seriously having some kind of pizza-like reactions, only to be made WORSE by wearing cover up, so I have to brave the town looking like I have the chicken pox...My bras don't even fit correctly.

Surely that is superficial...and unnecessary to post in a blog...but I can't HELP it. I really hate feeling like a tramp and that I have nothing appropriate to wear to make me look nice....but it's really difficult to find a chic and practical 'nanny' look...no matter what I wear I will end up getting spit up or drool or what have you on my clothes. I don't know how the Düsseldorf moms do it....looking as chic as they do with 3 kids in hand. Of course I could spend my meager wages on some nice looking versatile pieces....a nice summer jacket, for instance, which I seem to be needing these days....a bra that actually fits me and that is pretty....a nice looking professional and chic bag...but I can't seem to justify spending my money on that when I could use it for other things....like travelling...

Speaking of travelling...I will be going to Mallorca next month and then spending the week after my birthday visitng my cousin Patricia in Paris! The GerMan is coming along as well...and I am really looking forward to that. Of course, September is ALSO the month of Oktoberfest, so I have that to look forward to as well. Then, in October, I have been invited to go to Italy with Kai and his family (Yaaaaahooooo!!!!!) I also found a 25 Euro ticket to Edinburgh, so I'm thinking I might try to make a trip up to Abernethy during the month of November.

Also been thinking alot these days about auditions and grad school....and life. I do feel stuck in limbo right now....I'm not really doing anything monumental or going on any adventures this month, and my German has definitely hit another stand still. Of course it has improved...but I'm still struggling with the grammar and getting the 'Der Die Das Den Dem' thing straight. I have sent my headshot and resume to some casting companies here for auditions to Cinderella and Wicked, but they will have to get back to me to invite me to the call. Pre-screening. I had some help putting my performance resume in German, so I'm hoping that me being an American and native English-speaker will not be a disadvantage to me. It shouldn't be....because it's musical theater, after all, but you never know. And on that note....is it wiser for me to give the musical theater scene a try here first? My German isn't PERFECT....but I can certainly sing in German and I can learn lines and pronounce it correctly...Eva tells me that I don't have much of an accent when I speak. Is it any less competitive here than it is in the States? I wish I had someone who I could talk to about it, but I don't know ANY contacts, and Eva's contacts are primarily in the opera and classical world. Even though to study at a conservatory over here would be way cheaper than it would be at home (ironically...) I would still need to be fluent in German to make that happen and these days I am NOT feeling ANYWHERE close to fluent. Kai has been very helpful and encouraging....and him bringing me over to family functions has certainly been...shall we say....inspiring.

On that note....alles klar on that front. He is dreamy. I never realized how low my standards actually were with boys until I met this one. I've stopped being shocked whenever he does something like....calling when he says....or, inviting me to meet the parents....these every-day normal things which for him are no big deal, but for me, a HUGE deal! To actually have someone who is direct and caring, and who isn't afraid of putting me into his life and have me around his family and friends....is pretty remarkable. I had a little bit of an emotional moment on Friday...I was already feeling homesick that day and missing my mom....and was thinking about Thanksgiving and how I probably wouldn't be able to make it to Atlanta again this year. I was having dinner with Kai, his mother and sister, and another family that they're very close with. Of course, after the point where dinner crosses the 4 hour point, and as I'Ve learned, that's normal here....I start to tune the German out. But the laughing and the stories, and the talking over each other....it made me feel really really at home. Even though I am so far away from my family, it felt really really good to fit into another one, despite the language barrier.

I got a little emotional during dinner and succeeded in hiding it at the time, but the next day I was watching an episode of 'How I Met Your Mother' with Kai that was about Thanksgiving dinner, and I TTOOOOOTALLY lost it! Poor Kai. He had no idea what was wrong with me, and as I was sobbing and waving my hands trying to communicate, 'Oh, it's really nothing....I'm fine....just having one of those crazy moments you know...' He's a winner. To put up with my crazy.

It is hard to be far away, still. I do love it over here, despite the lack of summer and the feeling non-glamorous, but there really is no place like home. I guess you no matter how grown up you get, you never stop missing home.